meringue (sweetmeringue) wrote in dearpeer,

Sobbing softly

I'd really rather be helping someone that asking for help but here goes.

Some people walk around always depressed. Others walk around happy. No one really realizes just how crappy I feel. I'm just "quiet" or "mellow". I guess I hide it well.

I'm 22 years old, married and no kids. My father died when I was 7. My mother met someone new after that, and he helped raise me from age 9 until he died when I was 19. I really didn't have time to mourn either. You know, life goes on. work doesn't stop. School doesn't stop. I find myself thinking about them lots, and missing them very much too.

Here's the problem. When anyone acts supportive, has sympathy, or shows concern (strangers and my husband mostly), I start crying like a baby and can't seem to stop. It's a hard to touch wound that just won't heal. I realize it's alot to deal with, but I'm ready to deal. I have dreams where they are not dead anymore, or where they come back to life. Could I STILL be in denial after 15 years? How do I deal with this and become strong again, instead of faking strength all the time? No one even thinks anything is wrong. Somethimes I feel just ready to crumble. I feel it's more that I can handle. Please help.
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