meringue (sweetmeringue) wrote in dearpeer,
meringue
sweetmeringue
dearpeer

Sobbing softly

I'd really rather be helping someone that asking for help but here goes.

Some people walk around always depressed. Others walk around happy. No one really realizes just how crappy I feel. I'm just "quiet" or "mellow". I guess I hide it well.

I'm 22 years old, married and no kids. My father died when I was 7. My mother met someone new after that, and he helped raise me from age 9 until he died when I was 19. I really didn't have time to mourn either. You know, life goes on. work doesn't stop. School doesn't stop. I find myself thinking about them lots, and missing them very much too.

Here's the problem. When anyone acts supportive, has sympathy, or shows concern (strangers and my husband mostly), I start crying like a baby and can't seem to stop. It's a hard to touch wound that just won't heal. I realize it's alot to deal with, but I'm ready to deal. I have dreams where they are not dead anymore, or where they come back to life. Could I STILL be in denial after 15 years? How do I deal with this and become strong again, instead of faking strength all the time? No one even thinks anything is wrong. Somethimes I feel just ready to crumble. I feel it's more that I can handle. Please help.
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That's a pretty hard question hun, but here is my opinion.

I have found that a lot of people who are used to helping other people are often very depressed themselves. Some of them find it much easier and much more fulfulling to help others with their problems. It makes them feel both needed, wanted, and it aids in them not having to deal with their own problems.

I don't know if you fit into that, but I'll go on anyway.

I think that there may be a sense of denial still present in it all, but for the most part, I believe that you discovered your problem when you said "I really didn't have time to mourn either. You know, life goes on." You won't let yourself really deal with it, you give yourself little spurts then you pull it back in.

You seem to be the type of person whom everyone expects to be strong, and you have to realize that you aren't all the time, no one is. So what if you cry for 6 hours straight, maybe that's what you need. You HAVE to deal with this in a very real fasion or else it's always going to be the same. And will you stop thinking about them every once in a while, no, probably not, but it should only be every once in a while.

Maybe you should let a few people who are close to you, really really close to you, that would understand, know that something really IS wrong. You need someone to help you through this, someone tangible, someone who cares, and someone who loves you.

It's true life goes on, but only after you deal with it. You have to get yourself to the point where you can say "Reality is, what reality is...what next". Once you get there, you can start working things out in your own life much better.

At least, this is what I've come to think. Hope this helped at least a little.

~m~
I noticed that you said that you never really mourned. "life goes on" that work and school sont stop that is true yet you really never let yourself mounred for a loss that deeply affected you oviously. Lossing a parent, a friend, or a father figure is devestating and is a hrad thing to get over. but you can not put off mourning. you are going to be upset about this forvere untill you let you husband listen to you. Sit him down one night and tell him everything in your heart the pain you feel for lossing these people in your life. Then cry, cry on his sholder let him be there for you I am sure that is what he wants to do. Hope this works for you. Love
xandria168